he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
