so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize