Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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