so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
