just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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