Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
