I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
