I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
