Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize