I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
