i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
