we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
