hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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