I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
