two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
