i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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