I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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