We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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