Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
