we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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