i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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