question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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