Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize