I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
