Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
