Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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