So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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