is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
