He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
