we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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