Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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