you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
