we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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