We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
