God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
