Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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