'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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