Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
