My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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