i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
