I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
