bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm passing your future prison.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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