ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
