His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
