Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize