Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
