If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are my feet made of real feet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
