Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
