so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
