The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
