just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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