I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
