OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
