I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
