you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
