I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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