He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
