there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
