all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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