I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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