i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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