Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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