no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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