My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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