my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
