3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
