Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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