Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
