he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You ruined the universe
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
