just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
