will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize