i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
