It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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