Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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