The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
