I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
