Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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