just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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