Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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