i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize