dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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