the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
