I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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