ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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