Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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