He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
