Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
