I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
