She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize