"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
