just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They have beer where we have blood.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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