i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
