so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
