Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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