that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
