awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
