Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
