Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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