Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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