Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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